5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
