so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
