he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
