I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
