I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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