Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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