It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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