I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
