take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
