Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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