I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This baby is an asshole
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
