I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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