i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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