i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
