You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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