He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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