Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
