so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
