I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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