Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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