my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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