He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
