I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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