Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
