I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
