remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
