i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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