also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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