drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
