i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
