yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
