My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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