There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
