Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
