I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
