Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
