oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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