No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
