he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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