how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
