whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
