Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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