you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
