Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
