you would pick up someone in the library
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
