We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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