i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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