Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
