I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
