I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
