so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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