I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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