His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
