Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize