If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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