Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
