You made me cry and you don't even care
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
