Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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