My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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