Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
