We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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