i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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