if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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