OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
