I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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