got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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