Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
