so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
