my phone needs a breathalizer
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
