He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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